Have you ever had a memory that you wanted to go back and relive? Obviously, we can’t go back and relive the past, but have you ever wanted to reenact just a piece of the memory in order to go back in time for just a minute more? I have. I have been known to reread my journals, reread old text messages, and go through my own photos way too often, just to be back in the moment once more.

Many moments that I wish I could relive are moments from the world race. I wish I could go back in time and relive the good moments and in the bad moments, tell myself to not get so worked up when people hurt my feelings and to not let my insecurities stop me from being my full self. After I got to Antigua, I found out that I may get to relive a small piece of my time on the world race that was spent in the Dominican Republic and I was REALLY excited about it.

—Backstory—

When I was living in the DR, my group and I would walk miles to a slum/ghetto and back (for siestas), and then to and back again, every day. I have a lot of good memories from those walks. At that point in time, my teammates and I had only known each other for a little over 2 months and we had been living together for one. While we walked each day, my teammates and I would talk about anything and everything as we passed by fruit stand after fruit stand. It didn’t take long for us to start trying out the various fruits, which is where I was introduced to Canepa (or Quenepe). Quenepe is a weird little fruit. It’s a lot like opening up and popping an eyeball, with a huge pit in it, in your mouth and then awkwardly trying to eat the layer of fruit around it. I know it doesn’t sound appetizing, but it’s amazing, delicious, fun to eat, and most importantly, super cheap– which meant it was love at first sight for a world racer. So on most days, my teammates and I would walk, talk, and snack on quenepe on our way to do ministry. It was during those walks that my teammates became more than just teammates—they became my best friends, source of entertainment, cheerleaders, and family.

Quenepe, Canepa, Quenepa, Spanish Lime.

It’s been over 4 years since my world race ended, and although I am beyond blessed to still see and talk to a few of those friends, there are so many times I wish I could just relive it. I’d go through all the sickness, hospital visits, homesickness, exhaustion, and heartaches again to be doing ministry along side all of those crazy, beautiful people. But since that isn’t possible, I’ll take reliving little moments in the little things– like quenepe.

——

When I got to Antigua, I found out that quenepe grows there and I was so determined to find some! I thought it would be easy to find, but I was wrong. As the week passed by, I started to think it just wasn’t going to happen, and after all, my reason for being there was much greater than quenepe…but on the next to last day, I found shells of quenepe on the soccer field and my interest was sparked again!

Then on the very last day, Darriann, one of the little girls from my group, offered me a quenepe that she had brought in her backpack. I. FREAKED. OUT. I hugged her and thanked her and told her about the other kids I had done VBS with in the Dominican Republic and I told her about my friends and I eating them on our long walks to meet up with the kids and I explained to her how precious and special her sharing with me was and how it was something that meant so much to me.

Quenepe from Darriann

But the story doesn’t end there…

Meet Darriann.

Darriann eating her quenepe

Darriann and I after one of the first days of soccer camp/VBS

Darriann is a 7-year-old Antiguan girl who impacted my life in an immeasurable way. All week-long, way before she gave me quenepe, she was giving me gifts from God. She would hug me and laugh with me and her smile was infectious. Every day during VBS I’d ask her to come to the night-time church services with me, and she’d say yes, but never show up. Then on the last night, Darriann came to church and ran up to me with a bag in her hands and a huge smile on her face. I was surprised by her being there and even more surprised about what was in the bag she was holding out for me to take…and then I opened it. My heart stopped and once it started beating again, a piece of it broke off. It didn’t break in a bad way though. A piece of my heart broke off because I had to give it away. A piece of my heart had no choice but to be given to Darriann, because in that bag full of quenepe, there was an overflowing amount of self-less love that I didn’t deserve.

My forever friend and the precious gift that she brought me the last night at Villa Church of Christ.
I absolutely love the smile on her face in this picture! She was so happy to give me a gift and she had no idea the weight of it all.

After church, we had to start saying our goodbyes. I held Darriann as she cried and I prayed over her. I prayed for her health, family, and her future. I prayed that God would allow us to see each other again one day (and selfishly asked for it to be soon and on earth). I gave her my bible to keep since I had already given my extra bible to someone else that day and I gave her what little money I had to repay her for the quenepe. Luckily, that night we had extra time to hang out after church, so in between our moments of crying over goodbyes, I was able to run around with her on my back and share more laughs and make more memories. I know those memories are the ones I will replay for my entire life and those moments are the ones I’ll want to relive.

So much love for this precious child of God.

I went to Antigua to love Darriann (and kids like her) and to show her a little bit of God’s love by giving her my time and attention. I went to teach her stories about Jesus and make sure she was fed a snack and lunch. I went to help her understand the sacrificial love of Jesus that is extended even when we don’t deserve it…

Instead, she taught me, fed me, and extended love to me that I didn’t deserve.